Baby Jack · motherhood · pregnancy · thoughts

C-sections are not the easy way out

Having an emergency c-section sucked.

It was not an easy way out and it was certainly not my choice. After giving it my all pushing for 3.5 hours and suffering in excruciating pain, the last thing I wanted was to be cut open.

For weeks leading up to my delivery I prayed that I wouldn’t need a c-section. I cried when the doctor finally told me that’s how we had to bring Jack into the world. I had a panic attack that resulted in me being disoriented and unable to remember details of the actual birth of my first child. I was scared to death and couldn’t breathe. I felt alone, confused and insecure. And after Jack was delivered a huge weight was lifted — both figuratively and literally 😂 — until the next morning when I couldn’t even sit up and get out of bed on my own.

I didn’t prepare for a major stomach surgery that is a c-section. I read so darn much the nine months I was pregnant, but not much about having a cesarean. I didn’t want one. That wasn’t my birth plan. I suddenly felt so uneducated and sad that all the hard work I put into preparing for the birth of my son had somehow seemed useless. I was clueless as to how much recovery time was necessary and how little I could do after the procedure. I was told not to walk up stairs and to carry nothing but my baby. For WEEKS. Suddenly I felt helpless. I had no idea how much pain I’d be in if I did overexert myself or that I’d have random shooting pains beneath my incision. I didn’t know it would be a struggle to feed my newborn baby or to sleep comfortably. I would have never guessed that driving would be off limits or that it would actually hurt to do laundry (if only I could use that excuse today!). I knew it’d take time to recover and rebuild my strength, but I never imagined getting back to working out would cause so much pain. Fall to my knees and collapse pain. Eight months later. I imagined a longer recovery, but never imagined THIS LONG of a recovery.

I did planks the other day — well, I tried to do planks — and I collapsed to the floor in pain. Not because my abs were too weak to hold me up, but because it felt like my incision site was being torn apart. Some days I experience a shooting pain and if I accidentally rub something against my scar, I feel a jolt of pain.

Doesn’t sound fun, does it?

I’m not saying one way is better, easier or more difficult. I can only speak of MY c-section experience because every delivery is different for every woman, every baby.

What I do know is that it wasn’t easy. I am eight months postpartum and still recovering.

I KNOW I’m not any less of a woman because of how my baby was brought into the world. I’m not any less of a woman because my body couldn’t deliver him the “natural” way.

I thank God each day for nurses, doctors and the advances in medicine and technology because without each of those, I might not be holding my baby today.

My c-section wasn’t fun.

It wasn’t my plan.

It was my choice (and the doctor’s recommendation) to safely deliver my baby.

I hope anyone who has had/will have a c-section never gets made to feel like less of a woman. We don’t deserve it. And I hope anyone who hasn’t thinks before making an ignorant comment regarding a woman’s birth story.

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